PERFECTIONISM
IS NOT A MALADY
Content
of Article: Level I, Level II, Level III, Level IV, Developmental Potential,
Therapeutic Perspectives, Summary, Bibliography.
Perfectionism is not a malady; it is a tool of self development. It manifests as
dissatisfaction with what is, and a yearning to become what one ought to be.
There is an inner knowing that there is more to life than the mundane, and a
desire to create meaning of one's life by doing the best one is capable of doing.
Perfectionists set high standards for themselves, and then feel inferior if they
do not meet those standards. They are besieged with guilt and shame that no one
seems to understand. Their unrelenting self-criticism appears maladjusted; even
when others applaud them, they feel miserable knowing they have cheated
themselves and others by not fully realizing their potential.
There have been many modern attempts to "cure" perfectionism. Whole
therapeutic systems have been derived from the supposition that individuals
ought to bring their ideals in line with reality, and learn to be satisfied with
who they are. Dąbrowski (1964) takes the opposite stance; he would rather we
stretch our reality until it is in keeping with our ideals. Within the context
of Dąbrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration, perfectionism takes on new
meaning. It becomes understood as an early form of the drive toward
self-perfection, and it is closely allied with the multilevel dynamisms:
positive maladjustment, feelings of guilt, feelings of shame, inferiority toward
oneself, disquietude with oneself, and dissatisfaction with oneself (Piechowski
1975). In other words, perfectionism becomes a driving force within the
individual which serves to promote higher level development.
Apparently, it is this sense of "drivenness" in the perfectionist that
others find distasteful. In a world in which emotional health is defined in
terms of contentment, ability to relax, satisfaction with self and with life,
and lack of inner conflicts, it is no wonder that the perfectionist is perceived
as neurotic. Worse, the consistent messages that perfectionists receive
throughout life convince them that there is some basic flaw in their personality
which must be eradicated. This greatly exacerbates the amount of inner conflict
with which they must cope. Not only do they feel shame, guilt and inferiority
for not meeting their own standards; in addition, they feel shame, guilt and
inferiority for having all this inner conflict. And this is where the tension
can mount to the point of paralysis.
In his poem, "Be Greeted, Psychoneurotics", Dąbrowski poignantly
expresses the conflicts of the multilevel person:
..for
your fear of being locked in the world's limitations,
for
your fear of the absurdity of existence...
for
your creativity and ecstasy,
for
your maladjustment to that "which is" and
adjustment
to that which "ought to be",
for
your great but unutilized abilities...
for
that which is prescient, unsaid, infinite in you...
Be
greeted! (Dąbrowski 1972).
From a Dąbrowskian perspective, the polarity between inner conflict and mental
health is a function of a unilevel conception of reality. At the lower levels in
Dabrowski's hierarchy, life goals involve adjustment to what is. At the higher
levels, the goal is to create of one's life what ought to be. Inner conflict and
the drive toward self-perfection are requisites of the evolutionary process
toward the higher levels of development.
Since the term "perfectionism" has many different meanings, I would like to
explore the aspects of perfectionism that appear at different levels — the
distortions of the drive for self-perfection at the lower levels, and the
transformational potential of this personality trait at the higher levels.
Level
I
At Level I, perfectionism is absent, but some manifestations of Level I
egocentrism may be erroneously labelled "perfectionistic". A type of
"drivenness" may appear at Level I that is self-serving, such as a drive for
power, for wealth, for prestige. More is better, and there is no vision of
"what ought to be", only a desire for greater self-aggrandizement.
There is an absence of inner conflict, and the end justifies any means.
Perfection at this level is having everything one wants; it does not mean
striving toward becoming a better human being.
The "imperfections" of others are grounds for attack, and they consist
mainly of failing to serve the Level I individual in some way. Some examples
would be (1) not being totally controllable by the Level I individual; (2) not
being available whenever needed; (3) not doing things exactly the way the Level
I person would do them; (4) failing to meet other person's fantasized standard
of bodily perfection. At Level I, individuals feel no guilt or shame about
ridiculing the handicapped or making fun of others physical attributes. If the
person's agenda is to make everyone else perfect, but there is no concern for
self-perfection, this is not a true case of perfectionism. Unfortunately, this
differentiation is not always clear. In therapy, a woman may say, "He's
very perfectionistic. He is always pointing out my flaws. He wants me to look
like a movie star all the time."
Level
II
Some rudimentary forms of perfectionism can manifest at Level II in which the
individual truly wants to improve the self. But since a hierarchy of values has
not yet developed, there is no clear sense of the direction that improvement
should take, and behaviour can be circular. It is at Level II that the most
distortions of the drive for self-perfection occur. Perfectionism may appear as
perversions, obsessions, compulsive behaviour, phobias, rigid control of self or
others, and excessive anxiety about other people's opinions of oneself. Perfect
at Level II means homeostasis: freedom from inner conflict and living in
accordance with societal expectations.
Many people at Level II experience insecurity and feelings of inferiority toward
others, and engage in self-deprecating behaviour. Their conceptions of what they
ought to be are introjected from others: family, friends, community, church,
government, television or movie stereotypes, etc. They suffer a great deal if
they feel that they do not live up to the expectations of others, and fear that
others will find them inadequate. The focus of their attention is their own
imperfections: they magnify their flaws and overlook their strengths, thereby
providing a distorted mirror of their own existence. The foundation of their
self-concept is weak and easily shaken by external events. They have a great
need for self-affirmation and validation from others. Their conception of the
ideal self is one that is self-assured and not vulnerable to attack. This is why
they are often willing followers of Level I leaders, who appear to have the
qualities they feel lacking in themselves.
Individuals at Level II may appear at times to have multilevel values. However,
higher level values and lower level ambitions are commingled indiscriminately.
Some higher level values may occur in a more stereotyped form, as rules to live
by, or cliches (e.g., "All mankind are brothers.") Yet, contradictory
attitudes and behaviours are quite common, with little awareness of the
discrepancies (e.g., "We ought to bomb those guys.") It is difficult
for these people to determine which value is more important to them than any
other, and to set priorities.
A substantial portion of therapy is devoted to sorting through the myriad of
life experiences to determine the most important issues. Clients may rehash
events, with little insight into their own part of the dynamics involved. Many
contemporary therapies derived from the cognitive behavioural school are
designed for this population, particularly those stressing positive self-talk.
Perfectionism has not yet fused with hierarchization, so attempts at
self-improvement at this level may be short-lived and easily sabotaged.
Level
III
At Level III, perfectionism occurs in its pure form. There is a glimpse at the
personality ideal, in which the person experiences or comprehends the
possibility of universal love, understanding and compassion. This is usually
followed by a period of torment because that reality cannot be maintained on a
daily basis. It is possible for individuals at Level II to experience momentary
euphoria during religious experiences (e.g., "I've been touched by God."),
or in mass therapy (e.g., EST), but the quality of the experience is often
syntonic, followed by their adopting a set program, and rules for living,
established by an external source. This is not the pattern for individuals at
Level III.
Awareness of the ideal triggers an independent search involving scrutiny of the
self according to specific criteria. The first step of the journey is often
quite painful as the individual falls so far short of his or her own standards.
Basic existential questions of "Who am I?" and "What is my
purpose here?" begin to be the focus of attention, often accompanied by a
sense of disorientation to the current reality. The desire for self-perfection
becomes a burning force in the lives of individuals at Level III, often
over-riding other people's expectations. Many defences, patterns, relationships,
and lifestyles break down during the initial phases of Level III. And there may
be no clear sense of what is coming to replace them, only a profound sense of
loss, and a recognition of the inevitability of the losses.
Perfectionism may seem to consume the person at Level III. At first, it may
manifest in external pursuits, such as workaholism, construction of new projects,
going back to school, or pouring oneself into a cause. These is a desire to do
the very best one can possibly do in whatever area the person invests his or her
time and energy. The motive, however, is not to please others, but to achieve a
vision or an ideal that makes full use of one's capabilities. The nature of
"imperfections" shifts as well. Fears of being seen as inadequate by others
are replaced by fears of failure to achieve one's potential, and shame at the
discrepancies between one's ideals and one’s actual behaviour. As development
proceeds, the focus of the perfectionism changes from manifesting some perfect
something in the world to inner development.
Level
IV
Perfectionism at Level IV is coupled with commitment and strength of will to
make one's vision a reality. Self-flagellation is replaced with compassion for
one's own shortcomings, and a firm conviction that development is proceeding on
a true course. Compassion for self and compassion for others emerge together,
increasing the availability of psychic energy for doing constructive work in the
world.
Perfectionism in the service of the personality ideal fuels the process of
self-actualization. There is an emerging sense of mission or purpose of one's
existence, an awareness of one's potential, and a dedication to bringing one's
life more and more in tune with the personality ideal. Perfectionism – the
desire for self-perfection – provides the power behind one's dedication:
"What ought to be will be".
Developmental
Potential
In my counselling of gifted individuals over the past 25 years, I have noticed
that perfectionism is a consistent personality pattern in the gifted. It is
apparent in very young children and seems to continue throughout life. In one
study of 16 children enrolled in a school for the gifted, 13 parents reported
that their children evidenced perfectionism and 13 said that their children had
intense reactions to criticism (Silverman, 1983). In a second study, 39 out of
40 parental reports cited evidence of emotional overexcitability in their
children, and 18 of these parents described signs of perfectionism (Silverman,
1983).
Recently, Rogers (1986) completed a study of gifted and average students on an
extensive number of dimensions through parental report. Gifted children were
more perfectionistic (p > .003), had more intense reactions to frustration (p
> .009), and had more intense reactions to criticism (p 7> .08) than their
nongifted peers. All of these personality factors appear interrelated. In
addition to these factors of emotional overexcitability, Rogers found strong
evidence of imaginational overexcitability and overwhelming evidence of
intellectual overexcitability in third and fourth grade gifted children in
comparison to their average peers. In many cases, the parents were able to trace
the first appearance of these traits to the first three years of life.
Dąbrowski contended that the overexcitabilities are innate, and that emotional,
intellectual and imaginational overexcitability signify high developmental
potential. The early appearance of the overexcitabilities in my studies and in
Rogers' (1986) lends support to these contentions. Perfectionism is not
mentioned per se as an overexcitability (Piechowski, 1979), but intensity of
feeling is and the case study material we have collected at the Gifted Child
Development Center would indicate that the majority of gifted children are
intense little human beings (N = 850).
Following are some typical examples from some of our parent questionnaires:
"C
(6 years old) is a very intense little girl. When she's happy everyone around
her radiates happiness. When she's miserable, her surroundings are tense and
uneasy. She is extremely sensitive and has high expectations of herself."
"J (4 years old) is a very sensitive person. He gets his feelings hurt easily
and doesn't like to hurt others' feelings. He seems to have the qualities of a
perfectionist. Things are to be done correctly and he doesn't easily accept
alternative ways of doing them. At 18 months, he used to line cars, shoes, cards,
etc., in perfect rows and from smallest to largest."
From descriptions like the ones above, it is apparent that perfectionism is
inborn in some individuals, as is its companion, sensitivity. These children
show early signs of sensitivity and compassion for others. In response to an
open-ended request, "Describe your child's personality", (N = 40) the most
frequently mentioned characteristic was "sensitivity", often appearing in
the first sentence of the parent's response. In another study of 80 children,
parents of 25 children described their children as "sensitive", and 20 more
used synonyms, such as "intense", "emotional", etc. (Silverman, 1983).
In a study of 16 parents of children enrolled in a private school for the gifted,
12 recalled incidents of compassion before their children were of school-age. Of
these, 8 described examples before their children were three years old, 6 before
their second birthday, and 1 before the age of one. These events occurred well
before the age at which Piaget thought children could understand another's
viewpoint. These data would seem to indicate that gifted children are born with
the raw materials of developmental potential.
In my presentation for the Third International Conference on TPD in 1980 (Silverman
& Ellsworth 1980), I described my experiences in counselling and teaching
gifted adolescents, in which I noted many multilevel dynamisms in this
population. This prompted a study of the overexcitabilities (oe's) of gifted
adults. Emotional oe and intellectual oe were nearly equal in strength in that
sample, with imaginational oe taking third place. All three of these
overexcitabilities were significantly stronger than those found in a study of
college graduates (half of whom were counselling psychology majors) (Lysy &
Piechowski, 1983). Similar results have been obtained in "subsequent
studies of gifted adolescents and pre-adolescents (Gallagher, 1985; Piechowski
& Colangelo, 1982; Schiever, 1985). In fact, the average profile found in
the first study of gifted adults was closely matched in the studies of gifted
adolescents. This would lend support to the stability of overexcitabilities
across the lifespan of gifted individuals.
Where does perfectionism fit into developmental potential? It may be a key
factor in emotional overexcitability, or it may be related to the dynamism of
self-perfection, or it may be both. It seems to me that it begins as a facet of
emotional overexcitability, and as the individual develops, it evolves into the
drive for self-perfection, as it merges with the personality ideal.
Therapeutic
Perspectives
At the beginning of this presentation, I mentioned that individuals are often
made to feel ashamed of their perfectionistic tendencies, which enlarges their
anxiety. In my practice, I deal quite frequently with gifted children,
adolescents and adults. Most of my clients have strong perfectionistic leanings.
Most of the parents of gifted children that I address at workshops and seminars
reveal that they are perfectionistic as well.
My first task as a therapist is to help my clients see their perfectionism as a
strength instead of a weakness. I share with them the strong linkage between
perfectionism and giftedness, and explain that it comes with the territory of
giftedness. It is not created by bad parenting, nor is it "cured" by
self-help techniques. It is a permanent part of the personality that has a
positive function.
At this point, I introduce Dabrowski's theory, describe the levels and
overexcitabilities, and explain how the problematic elements of perfectionism
are simply distortions of the developmental drive for self-perfection. This
information may be the most healing part of my work. Parents and clients are
deeply relieved to discover that there is not something wrong with them. When the
positive aspects of perfectionism are appreciated, this frees up the energy to
synthesize their perfectionism with the personality ideal.
We talk about those aspects of perfectionism that yield great benefits to the
self and to society, and then we discuss those aspects that lead to repeated
suffering. I try to help my clients sort out those elements they wish to retain
and those they would like to dissolve. For example, perfectionism applied to
oneself may lead to higher accomplishment, whereas perfectionism applied to
others may lead to unfair expectations, disappointment and resentfulness.
Perfectionism that translates into trying again and again leads to success,
whereas perfectionism that results in paralysis, avoidance, anxiety attacks, and
withdrawal guarantees failure. Perfectionism facing forward leads to striving to
create a better life, while perfectionism facing backward leads to
self-flagellation, overconcern with one's mistakes, and wallowing in self-pity.
Perfectionistic tendencies are tools which can be used to produce growth or
produce agony. The client then has a set of criteria with which to monitor and
moderate his or her behaviour.
We do a great deal of priority setting, facing the painful realization that one
cannot be perfect in everything. We have to make choices about what to strive
for, and where we can settle for less than our best. I acknowledge that there is
pain in perfectionism. I try to teach my clients not to be afraid of the pain.
It is good pain -growing pain. And I assure them that they have the inner
strength to cope with it.
Summary
There appear to be many forms of perfectionism, some more constructive than
others. We commend a person's willingness to pursue his or her goals in the face
of obstacles, setbacks and failures. We exhort children to do "their" best
in everything. Idealism is a function of the ability to perceive "what
ought to be," instead of only "what is" in oneself and society.
The vision of what is possible is a sign of multilevel positive disintegration.
The determination to create one's life as a reflection of that vision sets apart
multilevel from unilevel development.
Some of the negative aspects of perfectionism are the fear of mistakes, allowing
the fear to paralyse future efforts, imposing one's standards on others, and
trying to be perfect in too many areas simultaneously. These can all be dealt
with through therapeutic intervention. However, in addition, individuals have to
cope with an overlay of fear that their perfectionistic feelings are indicative
of mental illness. As a therapist, I find that sharing Dąbrowski's theory with
my clients releases them from the bondage of their secret terror that
perfectionism marks them as psychologically disturbed. Once they recognize the
positive value of their drive for perfection, they are able to deal more
effectively with the negative aspects, changing attitudes and behaviours that
are self-defeating and retaining those aspects that further their personal
development.
Multilevel development begins with an intense awareness of the gap between where
one is now and where it is possible to be. It takes great personal courage to
live in that gap and try to close it. The desire for self-perfection is painful
and not everyone is willing to experience that pain. This is what separates the
person of high moral commitment in adult life from the apathetic person who is
comfortable with the way things are or adapted to the limitations that currently
exist in oneself and the world. The therapist's role is not to protect clients
from their pain, but to reassure them that they have enough inner strength to
use that pain in the service of their development.
"The pursuit of self-perfection is a personal journey into higher realms of
existence, a journey that enriches the self and the world through its bounty. It
is the crucible that purifies the spirit - the manifestation of life's longing
for evolution."
Bibliography
Dąbrowski
K. (1964), "Positive Disintegration", London
Dąbrowski
K. (1972), "Psychoneurosis Is Not an Illness", London
Gallagher
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Creativity and School Achievement in Sixth Grade Students", Roeper Review, 8, p.
115-119.
Lysy
K. Z., Piechowski M. M. (1983), "Personal growth: An Empirical Study Using
Jungian and Dąbrowskian Measures", Genetic Psychology Monographs, 108, p.
267-320.
Piechowski
M. M. (1975), "A Theoretical and Empirical Approach to the Study of
Development",
Genetic Psychology Monographs, 92, p. 231-297.
Piechowski
M. M. (1979), "Developmental Potential" (in:)
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Gifted" (p. 25-57), Dubuque, IA: Kendal/Hunt.
Piechowski
M. M., Colangelo N. (1984), "Developmental Potential of the Gifted", Gifted Child
Quarterly, 28, p. 80-88.
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M. T. (1986), "A Comparative Study of Developmental Traits of Gifted and Average
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Schiever
S. W. (1985), "Creative Personality Characteristics and Dimensions of Mental
Functioning in Gifted Adolescents", Roeper Review, 7 (4), p. 233-226.
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L. K. (1983), "Personality Development: The Pursuit of Excellence", Journal for
the Education of the Gifted, 6, p. 5-19.
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L. K., Ellsworth B. (1980), "The Theory of Positive Disintegration and its
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Miami, FL: University of Miami School of Medicine